FIRST EVER BLOG ENTRY - FROM PERSONAL TO PROFESSIONAL, UPS AND DOWNS, THE GYM TO BODYBUILDING, THIS SAYS IT ALL!

'WISHES DO COME TRUE!'

This is it - the start, my new year, my fresh start.  Its been one hell of a rollercoaster.  I have not written much on my site for the last two years for good reason.  My life inexplicably turned upside down.  I decided to grab the courage I needed to do something drastic.  On the 15 September 2007, I moved on and my marriage ended, forever.  Yes, the girl who always believed in 'til death do us part' just couldn't do it anymore.  And up until now, I've not had the courage to really talk about it - especially on here.

Life was tough after I decided to move on.  I left a rather envious life in the Middle East, a beautiful life in fact with the man I loved for 13 years to put myself, my mental and physical well-being and my values first along with my dreams of having an exciting and successful career and one day if I'm lucky enough, a family.  Not even many of my closest friends knew how deep down I'd been hurting for so long until after I left.  They all thought I had an amazing life and a happy marriage living in a bizarre and up and coming city in the world.  I seemed to have everything.  But, on the outside, its a cliche I know, things weren't what they seemed.  I did have all those things on the surface but when I was there, I still felt incredibly empty and it took a trip home to NZ just before I left to really work out the reasons why I felt so sad inside and realise that I just had to go even though I didn't want to.  Those who know and love me know the reasons why I had to go and those reasons are personal and I shall not go into and I'm not ashamed to say I had to go through a breakdown, suicidal thoughts, terrible insomnia, some very low days and a year and a half of therapy to get to where I am now. 

But even though I knew it was going to be hard, I had no idea JUST how hard it really was going to be.  But you know what?  Its been worth every bit of it.

When I left I had no idea how I was going to make it on my own.  Being back in the UK made it all that more real.  Man, I got here and I made mistakes.  I f*cked up, beat myself up and got into a right state at times but I learnt from my mistakes.  I had no home to go to only friends to crash with, no job, no car and a painful end to a very broken marriage but the thing that I had was my self belief, an awesome bunch of family and friends behind me and the determination to succeed.  I had plans, dreams and I knew that I had to do it then.....or I'd never do it.  Sometimes in life you have to accept its not your fault and that you can't fix everything.  And I finally accepted that fact.

Since moving to the UK, I can honestly say now that I am the happiest I have ever been!  Today, just 2 years, 1 month and 29 days after leaving Doha, I am well on my way to having the life I've always wanted.  I have an awesome bunch of clients who's lives I help to transform (I don't see my role as a Personal Trainer as simply training people - helping people succeed FOR GOOD means you have to REALLY want them to succeed and you are able to show them how to do that), I have two successful businesses doing Personal Training and Bootcamp, a book in progress, a beautiful home to live in the outskirts of the Essex countryside, a wee car that gets me to A and B, a fantastic man in my life that I love dearly and that helped me learn how to love and trust again and an awesome bunch of friends.  I love my job, I now know how to put myself first without being selfish and most of all, I have my mental and physical well being back.  And you can't put a price on that in a million years.

My dreams have started, I'm living them and am on the way to achieving others too.  Its an incredibly exciting time!  How did I do it?  Apart from planning, goal setting, hard work and striving forward, it was simply 4 things for me.  Faith, self belief, support and most of all love.  I learned to love me.  Without being a half of someone else and identifying with another soul, I learned that I am enough.  On my own.  And I never ever gave up.

I'm hitting that bodybuilding stage in July 2010 too!  The last two years, on top of everything else, I had to contend with injury after injury.  After preparing for the regional qualifiers in 2008 and endeavouring to defend my Northern Britain Title, I had to pull out because of a muscle impingement and a badly damaged rotator cuff.  Training my upper body was not only painful, it became impossible to work around.  Bummer.  There was always next year I thought!  However, this year just 14 weeks out from my qualifier, I badly tore my right calf muscle while doing heavy weighted squats.   I couldn't believe it.  Yet again, I was out for competition this year. 

I felt low but kept on training even while I was on crutches!  But, like I said before, sometimes you have to accept you can't just fix things.  They have to take their course.  Despite all that, my awesome sponsors EAS have stood by me through thick and thin and are continuing to sponsor me as they know how much I want to win that British Title next year.  I believe in karma - and I believe good things come to those who wait and to those who deserve it.  Thanks so much EAS for continuing to support me to live my bodybuilding dream and go for the biggest goal I wish to achieve - to become a NATURAL professional bodybuilder.  I know with their support I can do it!

So, on the 24th of July this year I turned 35 years old.  As today  Friday the 13th comes to an end, as the sun is setting, as it rains softly outside and I reflect on how far I've come, I realise how good life is, how much better it is going to continue to get and how much those around me and those I can help will benefit.  I hope you are one of them.